IF YOU FORGIVE
INTRODUCTION
Earth's greatest killer is not cancer, heart disease or some physical malady. Earth's greatest killer is bitterness.
Although bitterness slays its millions each year, it continues to remain hidden behind the medical arts' denial of the spiritual. How tragic to not look at the serpent lifted-up and to die by this serpent's bite in the wilderness of unbelief.
God has not left us as helpless victims of disease and infirmities, nor abandoned us to the devices of man's paltery remedies.
In reality—
• We came from the invisible.
• We return to the invisible.
• Our day to day existence is rooted in the invisible realm of the spirit—good or evil.
God's Word says we are souls. As souls we are to rule over our spirit part by yielding it to God's Holy Spirit once we are brought to life through the new birth. This rulership of our spirit man is by choice—decisions made by our will.
Once born again, there is no more important decision than to forgive. As God willingly forgives us when we look to Jesus Christ as our Savior (who gave His life as an acceptable sacrifice so God could forgive us), He requires us to forgive. As we are forgiven, so must we forgive. It is God's justice and wisdom.
Forgive what?
• PEOPLE _ Everyone, regardless of what they have done to us or not done for us—no exceptions.
• SO-CALLED ACTS OF GOD _ Everything, understood and not understood—God is never unfair and He alone is sovereign.
• SELF _ Completely—looks, birth circumstance, intellec tual ability, mistakes—all of it—God does. So must we.
There are absolutely no exceptions given by God—we must forgive. To not forgive leaves us vulnerable to the consequences of unforgiveness. We expose ourselves to the curses of the law through this sin.
If your choice is to not forgive anyone or anything, you may as well stop reading right now, but be warned you will suffer consequences of unforgiveness in your life. Perhaps, drugs will alleviate the inevitable symptoms for a while, but eventually unforgiveness will deliver you to spiritual and eventually physical death. Your diagnosis might be cancer, heart congestion, high blood pressure or some other name, but the fatal disease is really bitterness. This muddy, rutted road to the grave will not be joyful or fulfilling.
Be warned also that bitterness can hide from its host. It can be a cunning adversary like a termite chewing away in the unseen foundations of your soul. Countless well meaning souls have professed total meekness and then discovered hidden growths of this wormwood when seeking healing or deliverance from God.
The good news is that there is a cure. This cure brings not only divine healing, but also divine health.
This is what this book is all about.
THE DEVESTATION OF BITTERNESS
"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled."
Hebrews 12:14-15
If bitterness simply killed its host, perhaps one could justify going to the grave so infected. Like cigarette smoke, though, bitterness spreads its residue until everyone within range begins to smell like the smoker. It is toxic even to the innocent bystander, if exposed long enough.
Personally, bitterness tears the spirit and poisons the soul. In the bible, Cain's life vividly shows this. When God could not accept his offering, Cain became very angry. The Hebrew translation in the Schocken Bible says he became "exceedingly upset." The passage then says Cain's "face" or countenance fell. Cain was obviously affected personally and physically by his temper. Proverbs 14:30 tells us: "A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones."
Bitterness leaves one unforgiven and breeds deception. A bitter person begins to believe God does not care for or love them. The feelings of rejection often lead to immorality with all of its intimate consequences.
Bitterness has devestating effects in three critical areas:
n It affects your relationship with God. Hebrews 12:14 tells us to "Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord." Bitterness will cut you off from God.
n It affects your relationship with yourself. Hebrews 12:15 says bitterness will cause one to fall short of the grace of God and cause one trouble. You begin to turn on yourself. Self-criticism, condemnation and rejection creep in.
n It affects your relationship with others. "Many become defiled."
Bitterness certainly affects our peers. The bitter one builds walls of personal isolation with feelings of loneliness and self-pity. This leads one to believe he or she is a victim trapped and helpless to do anything but lash out. The target is not always the accused. It can be any available party. Eventually, relationships are broken. As the life-giving cords of love are severed, the root of bitterness grows deeper and the bondage stronger.
Ironically, withholding forgiveness causes a bondage to the very one so hated. In fact, unforgiveness causes idolatry. The one hated is held above God and therefore becomes a god in the bitter one's life.
Bitterness has public and political effects in one's life. The outcome of all bitterness is murder. Look at Cain again. In Genesis 4:6-7, the Schocken Bible says: "YHWH (God) said to Kayin (Cain): Why are you so upset? Why has your face fallen? Is it not thus: If you intend good, bear-it-aloft, but if you do not intend good, at the entrance is sin, a crouching-demon, toward you his lust—but you can rule over him."
Cain did not decide to rule over the demon. He gave place to it and murdered his brother.
I John 2:11 says: "But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes." Chapter 3:11-12; 15 tells us: "We should love one another, not as Cain who was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother's righteous…. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."
Although some can find the grace to forgive others, many cannot forgive themselves. One can cause others hurt by not forgiving them, but the real devastation comes to the unforgiver. If we will not forgive ourselves, then we are saying that God has not also. Such an attitude fosters self-condemnation and guilt leaving one dysfunctional in many areas of life and especially in the spiritual realm.
Unforgiveness is devastating.
DO I HAVE BITTERNESS?"The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy."
Proverbs 14:10
Many people are in denial about their bitterness. Bitterness can integrate into a personality and camouflage itself to the host. Almost without exception, deeper digging through the Holy Spirit's help reveals hidden bitterness. Until one deals with this culprit, deliverance and healing will come on a limited basis—if at all.
As with all spiritual problems, bitterness has some distinctive symptoms. Symptoms are not the real problem. They are like the visible part of a tree. The real problem lies hidden as roots under the ground. The axe must be laid the roots to truly destroy a tree. So it is with bitterness.
Bitterness usually is the root of the following symptoms:
Temper tantrums hurt. Feelings of others are abused and the host goes away unsettled and usually guilt laden. Angry outbursts are a form of retaliation—a way to "get back" for the pain rendered in some relationship, usually, from the past. Anger will never be overcome until the bitter source is removed. Behind the over reaction is always some unresolved conflict.
Some folks always see the negative or ugly first. Instead of "rose colored" glasses, they have "gray colored" ones. A bitter root causes a person to see themselves as worthless and defiled. Because they have not confronted the unresolved root of unforgiveness, they remain in denial and project their distorted discernment on anyone and everything they see.
Feelings of worthlessness and defilement leads to insecurity. The insecure person looks with envy at those "better-off" then himself. When some kind of relationship is developed, the insecure, bitter on is always jealous because of paranoid fear of losing any ounce of affection to another party.
Strange as it may seem, a bitter root becomes a precious commodity. Like a dog licking its own wound, the bitter person nurses and protects the ugly lesion of hurt. Selfishness helps protect the scene of the crime, and impatience is the epitome of selfishness. The tap root feeding this uncomely garden is bitterness and unforgiveness.
It could be said that hatred is unforgiveness in full maturity. Unforgiveness focused on another person, develops hatred. The focus of hatred is like worship. The hated person becomes godlike, a source of obsessive thinking and desire—desire to retaliate. This is idolatry. Ironically, what one hates, one becomes more and more like. It is a vicious circle of defeat and death.
The guile of one's bitter pool will eventually spill out in every relationship. Such a soul will usually have no close friends, at least, for very long. All that's left is the natural family, and sometimes even they must reject the fellowship of such caustic relatives.
Bitterness often leads a person to isolate themselves. The inner pain increases when around other people because it heightens the awareness of reason for the pain. You will find in every hermit a bitter pond.
The Bible tells us that heaviness is a spirit. All moods are spirits, including depression. When an unclean spirit comes and is able to so influence, is because of sin—the sin of unforgiveness.
Lack of the manifestation of gifts of the Holy Spirit.
One of the greatest hindrances to the flow of the Holy Spirit in a person's life is bitterness from unforgiveness. There are other hindrances such as Occult exposures, but bitterness is less obvious and goes undiscerned. One with a bitter root will find it very difficult to move in the things of the Holy Spirit or, more devastating than that, will be seduced by another spirit and step-out into the realm of witchcraft.
Ultimately, the sewage of the pond of bitterness will defile the flesh. Infirmities are inevitable and usually numerous in bitter people. Drugs may alleviate the symptoms for a while, but without the offending source being removed, the agony of the illness will drag on and on.
Other indications of bitterness in one's life can be unanswered prayer, darkened or sad countenance and/or chronic guilt and condemnation. So often, one searches earnestly for relief, working from the assumption that all is forgiven, but to no avail.
Bitterness flavors everything with gall as in the case of Simon the Sorcerer in Acts 8:23. When he made the inappropriate request to buy the power of the Holy Spirit, Peter said to him, "For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity." Simon the Sorcerer was obviously envious of what he thought was Peter's power. Peter went right to the root—bitterness.
This malady causes inappropriate responses. An act of kindness by another will elicit a self put-down or some other negative comment. The defiling spirit of bitterness cripples every opportunity for celebration of joy or sincere gratitude.
The heart does know its own bitterness if willing to be honest and sincerely seek the truth about one's self in the light of God's Word.
To truly know liberty and maturity, one must.
WHY AM I BITTER?"The foolishness of a man twists his way, And his heart frets against the LORD"
Proverbs 19:3
Ultimately, we are bitter because we believe God has failed us. Most will not admit such "blasphemy;" nevertheless, deep down inside, we feel God should be responsible in certain areas. Of course, it is people who hurt us, disappoint us or fail us, but after all, God being God, could He not have prevented it?
In frustration and lack of understanding, we say, "Why God?"
Following their great victory crossing the Red Sea, God let Moses and Israel go three days without any water. When god led them to the water hole called Marah, they were thrilled. Their joy was short-lived when they found the water bitter and undrinkable. Immediately they began to complain against Moses (authority of God). They really knew Moses was trying to follow God's leadership, but they were afraid to accuse God directly. God's first test for His people was to flush up (and hopefully out) the bitterness of their hearts. Sad to say, they failed miserably. The watering hole was named Marah, meaning bitter. (See Exodus 15:22-27)
In the sermon on the mount, Jesus taught that the Kingdom of God consists of attitudes. Attitudes reveal one's heart or true self. The beatitudes are "Being-Attitudes." Throughout chapters 5 through 7 in Matthew, Jesus teaches ways to react in various situations. Each of these situations is occasion for bitterness, if one's heart is not established in forgiveness and obedience.
"If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell." —Matt. 5:29
Dominance or control by anyone or anything can cause bitterness. Everyone is controlled in some way, although most are not aware of it. The most deceived are those without Christ who believe they are really free. Actually, they are totally controlled by the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience... _Eph. 2:2-3
Lust can be a source of control as can addiction. The origin of strong desire can be a body member, such as the eye, an obsessive attachment to some possession or a person. Fear causes us not let go and bitterness, like a taproot, grows in our soul.
"But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil." —Matt. 5:37
A covenant cannot be broken without consequences. Ask a spouse or child whose been touched by divorce. Breaking the covenant of marriage has far reaching and lifetime effects. Jesus warns of this in the preceding verses 31 and 32 of Matthew 5. Regardless of the situation or how justified the reason, breaking the intimate agreement of marriage always requires forgiveness and healing.
When promises are broken by anyone, the poison of bitterness can enter through the resulting wound. Once we experience broken promises, our trust erodes. With the loss of trust, we become suspicious and even hopeless bogged in the swamp of unforgiveness and bitterness.
"And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain." —Matt. 5:41
Most of us have experienced what we have felt to be unfair demands from authority. Without a renewed submissive spirit, resentment is spawned and opens the door for bitterness.
Beyond unfair demands, can come abuse from a more powerful authority figure that should be sheltering and protecting, not abusing. The abuse can be sexual, verbal or physical; regardless, the victim is left with deep roots of resentment and bitterness. Every victim of sexual or marital abuse is left with a deep growth of wormwood in their soul.
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." —Matt. 5:44
Any experience of event that causes physical pain can open the door for unforgiveness and bitterness. A simple accident might never be forgiven, although forgotten.
Experiences that render inner or emotional pain are often buried beyond conscience awareness. Until understanding comes about its effects, many never know to deal with such woundings.
Pain can be inflicted intentionally as well as unintentionally; nonetheless, it is real and hurtful to the bearer and eventually must be confronted.
"For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? Do not even the publicans the same?" —Matt. 5:46
It is not uncommon for us to expect something from someone they cannot give us. We may feel they "owe" us something such as love, respect or faithfulness. The other party may not even know how we feel toward them, but we continue to be offended when they fall short of our expectations.
Included in such thinking, though often not admitted, is the conviction that God owes me certain things. We come back to, "Why, God?" Such an attitude reveals a deep root of bitterness.
In all cases, we are expecting rewards not promised.
We may go so far as to set expectations for ourselves that we cannot meet. It may be that we are seeking the wrong reward for our efforts; regardless, such goals, conscience or unconscience, only provide frustration and failure and fertile soil for the root of bitterness.
Ultimately, everyone starts out in life with the assumption they have a right to be loved. When love doe not come, or it does not come in they way expected or demanded, we will become bitter if we do not learn to forgive.
Such was the case of Naomi (which means pleasant), when she felt God was punishing her. Because of her refusal to admit her own unbelief and distrust, she chose to change her name to Mara, which means bitter.
"And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?" _Ruth 1:20-21
All such thinking is foolishness, says God's Word, yet, we chose to fret against the Lord and not forgive.
Forgiveness is a choice! In it we choose life!
Why even hesitate?
GETTING RID OF BITTERNESS
"And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD showed him a tree, which when he had cast it into the waters, the waters were made sweet..."
Exo 15:25
Although, many believers wear crosses as jewelry or bumper stickers, most have no idea how to apply the tree of calvary into their lives. Jesus told us to take up our cross daily and follow Him. Our cross, He said, not His cross.
We must not stumble with carnal understanding when approaching the Scriptures. The tree the Lord showed Moses to cast into the waters at Marah was not some chemical application. The intellect shuns spiritual understanding and seeks to grasp reality with logic. If we will look in faith we will see the cross is the key to all life and blessings.
The way to forgiveness is through the cross. The only way to sweeten the bitter water is by application of the tree—the cross.
We must forgive. We have no right not to do so. God requires it. We either forgive or rebel. There is nothing between.
As with everything in the Kingdom of God, forgiveness is a choice. Emotions will rage against forgiving. The mind will present an airtight case of cold logic proving solid ground to not forgive. The flesh or physical body will come on stage urging retaliation, sometimes through force or violence. It is no light thing for a human to forgive. It is not natural or easy for Adam. It goes against the very core of his being.
Forgiveness is not condonement. By forgiving we are not saying that what was done was right. Forgiveness does not hinge on right or wrong. We forgive because God forgives, and we are commanded to do the same. Case closed.
In simple words—everything.
Yes, EVERYTHING!
Forgiveness begins with a choice. It is an act of obedience.
We must push aside the emotions, take dominion over thoughts, constrain the flesh—then choose.
The ultimate power for this action comes through the cross of Jesus Christ and His spilled blood. There can be no real forgiveness without acknowledgment of God's provision. This is not some psychological technique—this is real Christianity.
When we choose to forgive, we choose to die—to take up our cross following the Lord as he willingly laid down His life.
"Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain." _John 12:24
We must change our mind. Stop hating and hurting. Stop being mad. Stop being upset, frustrated, irritated, chafed and provoked.
Stop thinking of ways to retaliate. Stop even thinking of what you would or should have done if you could only play that scene again. Getting back at someone never really "pays." It always costs in multiple consequences.
Of course, you cannot just stop how you think and feel. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. Through the door of unforgiveness, unclean spirits have entered our life. They must be cast out. The house must be cleaned.
Tell them to leave! If you do not get results, have someone who understands such to pray with you.
After these empowering spirits leave, you can now hope to win the battle with the mind and emotions in the true strength of Christ.
Often total forgiveness requires recompense.
"Then Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, 'Look, Lord, I give half of my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold.'" _Luke 19:8
Out of bitterness, we often take from others and hurt them. To clean the slate we must go ask forgiveness and/or seek to satisfy the debt owed by our sin.
On the other hand, we may be bitter because of a debt owned to us. To get free, we declare a Jubilee and forgive the debt—no matter what it is. We turn it over to God and rest in Him. What price is peace?
Most who suffer from bitterness carry wounds unhealed. The continuing unforgiveness keeps the wound from healing. It is constantly agitated and reopened. Eventually, the physical body will begin showing damage.
Only the Lord can heal emotional wounds and will, when asked. By His stripes we were healed emotionally and physically, but we must appropriate it. Ask and you will receive if you will believe.
There is a demonic aspect of bitterness called memory recall. People who cannot remember why they came into a room can remember some offense from years gone ago—in great detail.
Although, we may take the initial step of forgiving, it may take weeks and months to purge the memory and emotions of the infection.
Forgiving is like cleaning a sponge. Once a sponge has soaked-up something like paint, it must be rinsed and rinsed to ever get all the paint out of it. In the same way, as thoughts come back about some hurt or abuse, we continue to chose to forgive. We say it: "In Jesus Name, I forgive."
Eventually the emotions will settle and the pain abate. Out of this kind of walk will come a pearl of great price—peace.
LET'S PRAY
[It is very important that this prayer be spoken aloud!]
Father in Heaven, I come to you in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ. I believe He is your Son. I believe He has risen from grave and now sits at Your right hand ever interceding for me
.Heavenly Father, I repent of not forgiving—of holding bitterness in my heart and being upset about other people, situations and even myself. As You so willingly forgive, I too chose to forgive. I ask You, Lord, to bring to my mind everyone and everything I need to forgive.
(Pause here for a few moments and allow the Holy Spirit to work).
In the Name of Jesus Christ, my Lord, I forgive you (name of person, name of person, etc.).
Note: Speak out the name of every person brought to mind, living or dead.
you may not initially remember how they hurt or offended you; nevertheless, speak forgiveness to them.
I declare my forgiveness of every person of every person I have named and will continue to render them forgiven from this time and forevermore.
In the Name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, I forgive (every hurtful or tramatic event).
Father, I confess any and all bitterness toward you. Oh, God, You do not make mistakes. You are perfect in all Your ways. Help me see that more and more.
In the Name of Jesus Christ, I renounce the spirits of bitterness, anger, hatred, violence, retaliation, murder and memory recall. I command these unclean spirits to leave me now!
(Pause again, take a deep breath and release it—do not hurry—begin to relax and rest in God your Father).
Heavenly Father, what ever I owe to anyone, in your strength and provision, I will restore. Whatever is owed to me by anyone, I forgive and release. I put this in your hands Father and leave it with You.
Father, in the Name of Jesus, I receive healing in my physical body. I command every spirit of infirmity and disease to leave me now! You unclean spirits have no ground to stay! Leave, now!
Now, Lord Jesus, I ask you to pour the balm of healing into my wounded spirit. Oh, Lord, I receive healing for a broken heart that has come because of hurts, disappointments and abuses. Thank you, for beauty for these ashes of failure and the oil of joy in place of the mourning and grief.
Thank you, Father!
Amen!